1
00:00:03,071 --> 00:00:04,105
Listen up.

2
00:00:04,138 --> 00:00:06,074
Max and Caroline are
at a big Hollywood premiere.

3
00:00:06,107 --> 00:00:08,776
They say Harrison Ford
is there.

4
00:00:08,809 --> 00:00:12,713
Tell Han Solo,
"Hello from Han."

5
00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:15,783
Who always does it solo.

6
00:00:15,816 --> 00:00:18,119
(Max)
Yeah, this place is
crawling with celebs.

7
00:00:18,152 --> 00:00:19,820
Everyone's here.

8
00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:24,358
Matt Damon, Cate Blanchett,
Amy Schumer's sister.

9
00:00:24,392 --> 00:00:28,662
If you see Burt Reynolds,
tell him I have his belt.

10
00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:30,331
Snap some boob pics.

11
00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:34,302
Some A-list D's
or some B-list C's.

12
00:00:34,335 --> 00:00:36,137
I can't.
My phone's dead.

13
00:00:36,170 --> 00:00:39,240
(Han)
But you're on your phone.

14
00:00:39,273 --> 00:00:40,708
Big ruckus here.

15
00:00:40,741 --> 00:00:44,745
Matt Damon just threw
a puff pastry at Don Cheadle.

16
00:00:44,778 --> 00:00:47,715
How bout we FaceTime?

17
00:00:47,748 --> 00:00:49,750
Can't.
No reception.

18
00:00:49,783 --> 00:00:52,686
(Han)
But we're talking to you
right now.

19
00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:54,188
Well, I gotta go.

20
00:00:54,222 --> 00:00:58,092
Julia Roberts wants to
split an UberX.

21
00:00:58,126 --> 00:00:59,693
I feel bad lying to Han.

22
00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:03,231
I mean, he's already been
catfished three times this year.

23
00:01:03,264 --> 00:01:06,700
To be fair,
two of those times were me.

24
00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:08,202
And we're not really lying.

25
00:01:08,236 --> 00:01:09,437
We could have gone to that
Hollywood party

26
00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:10,771
if we wanted to.

27
00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:12,873
- And had been invited.
- Hmm.

28
00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:16,277
And hadn't been kicked out
by security.

29
00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:18,379
(Oleg)
We're still on the line.

30
00:01:20,348 --> 00:01:24,185
We can never go back there.

31
00:01:24,218 --> 00:01:26,287
(Peter Bjorn and John)
* Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

32
00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:27,855
[cash register bell dings]

33
00:01:27,888 --> 00:01:33,161
* Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

34
00:01:43,737 --> 00:01:45,706
So nice of your new man

35
00:01:45,739 --> 00:01:47,775
to send us
a pressed juice basket.

36
00:01:47,808 --> 00:01:50,578
So LA.

37
00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:52,580
[gagging]
So gross!

38
00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:53,747
[smacking lips]

39
00:01:53,781 --> 00:01:57,351
I love them.
They're disgusting.

40
00:01:57,385 --> 00:02:00,454
This one's like licking
a beet's undercarriage.

41
00:02:00,488 --> 00:02:03,457
Still, it was really
thoughtful of Randy.

42
00:02:03,491 --> 00:02:05,293
He must really like you,

43
00:02:05,326 --> 00:02:07,761
and really want you
to stay regular.

44
00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:10,198
Yeah, someone really
buried the lead

45
00:02:10,231 --> 00:02:12,200
on this whole
being treated well thing,

46
00:02:12,233 --> 00:02:13,667
and I miss him.

47
00:02:13,701 --> 00:02:16,704
You saw him
30 minutes ago.

48
00:02:16,737 --> 00:02:19,640
Feels like 35.

49
00:02:19,673 --> 00:02:24,512
What is that about?
Do I have shingles?

50
00:02:24,545 --> 00:02:26,714
Oh, my God.
I just got an e-mail.

51
00:02:26,747 --> 00:02:30,318
The world's most in-demand
actress is on her way over

52
00:02:30,351 --> 00:02:33,254
to talk about playing me
in the movie of my life.

53
00:02:33,287 --> 00:02:35,223
Betty White's coming here?

54
00:02:36,624 --> 00:02:38,826
It's Jennifer Lawrence!

55
00:02:38,859 --> 00:02:41,795
Amy Schumer's sister's
best friend.

56
00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:43,764
The studio just set it up.

57
00:02:43,797 --> 00:02:46,434
She wants to meet me
to see if she digs my vibe.

58
00:02:46,467 --> 00:02:49,803
Oh, wish I had my vibe.

59
00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:52,506
They wouldn't let me
bring it on the plane.

60
00:02:52,540 --> 00:02:53,774
What was I gonna do?

61
00:02:53,807 --> 00:02:58,446
Terrorize everyone
with pleasure?

62
00:02:58,479 --> 00:03:00,514
Oh, I better go
brush my teeth.

63
00:03:00,548 --> 00:03:01,715
I don't want
Jennifer Lawrence to think

64
00:03:01,749 --> 00:03:04,518
I licked
a cantaloupe's armpit.

65
00:03:04,552 --> 00:03:07,288
The star of "The Hunger Games"
is coming here?

66
00:03:07,321 --> 00:03:08,556
We will have
lots in common.

67
00:03:08,589 --> 00:03:10,458
I mean, I've killed kids
for food.

68
00:03:10,491 --> 00:03:12,460
[laughs]

69
00:03:12,493 --> 00:03:14,595
Hey, everybody.

70
00:03:16,564 --> 00:03:20,768
Does anyone know how to shut off
the fire alarm in the elevator?

71
00:03:20,801 --> 00:03:24,605
'Cause this sage
is really popping off.

72
00:03:24,638 --> 00:03:26,840
Hey, puff puff pass.

73
00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:28,842
Ah, you don't smoke it.

74
00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:33,281
No, it cleans your aura
or some crap like that.

75
00:03:33,314 --> 00:03:35,583
Well, that sounds spiritual.

76
00:03:35,616 --> 00:03:37,785
Oh, you know, my healer says

77
00:03:37,818 --> 00:03:40,388
the reason that I haven't been
able to get pregnant

78
00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:42,823
is that my aura is filthier

79
00:03:42,856 --> 00:03:45,793
than my gynecologist's
Instagram.

80
00:03:45,826 --> 00:03:48,562
Yeah.

81
00:03:48,596 --> 00:03:51,765
But I did get
a lot of likes.

82
00:03:51,799 --> 00:03:53,401
[coughs]
Ugh, Sophie,

83
00:03:53,434 --> 00:03:55,303
I'm getting second hand hippie.

84
00:03:55,336 --> 00:03:56,604
Hey.

85
00:03:56,637 --> 00:03:58,339
Sophie, I have got to get this
out of here

86
00:03:58,372 --> 00:04:00,641
or Jennifer Lawrence will think
this is my vibe.

87
00:04:00,674 --> 00:04:04,345
I'm going for Grace Kelly
not Woody Harrelson.

88
00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:07,348
Well, that's a mistake.

89
00:04:07,381 --> 00:04:08,716
You know what?

90
00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:10,518
My healer, Audra, gave me
a whole list of things

91
00:04:10,551 --> 00:04:13,454
that I need to do
in order to get pregnant.

92
00:04:13,487 --> 00:04:17,358
Is one of them,
"Have sex the front way"?

93
00:04:17,391 --> 00:04:21,429
Yeah, also,
"Eat apples, meditate,

94
00:04:21,462 --> 00:04:24,665
cut down on cigars."

95
00:04:24,698 --> 00:04:26,834
She also said
that I have to practice

96
00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:29,903
loving kindness
with everyone.

97
00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:33,374
Even the people
who trigger my negativity.

98
00:04:33,407 --> 00:04:35,376
Yeah, but you know what?

99
00:04:35,409 --> 00:04:37,878
I'm as sweet as
the sugar substitute

100
00:04:37,911 --> 00:04:41,749
that gave half
my family cancer, yeah.

101
00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:43,351
You're maybe not always

102
00:04:43,384 --> 00:04:46,654
sweet as sugar substitute
to everyone.

103
00:04:46,687 --> 00:04:49,523
I'm not?

104
00:04:49,557 --> 00:04:51,492
Well, here comes this idiot.

105
00:04:53,561 --> 00:04:55,463
You know what?

106
00:04:55,496 --> 00:04:58,899
I'm gonna be real nice to you
so that I can have a baby.

107
00:04:58,932 --> 00:05:01,435
So I don't care
what kind of crap comes out

108
00:05:01,469 --> 00:05:03,671
of your stupid pie hole.

109
00:05:03,704 --> 00:05:06,907
Oh, my God, I'm a monster.

110
00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:09,777
[knocks on door]

111
00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:12,546
Oh, my God, do you think
that's Jennifer Lawrence?

112
00:05:12,580 --> 00:05:14,682
That was fast.
What a star.

113
00:05:14,715 --> 00:05:17,818
Prompt and she costs less
than a man.

114
00:05:17,851 --> 00:05:22,790
Or maybe it's Randy.
It's been a whole 38 minutes.

115
00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:25,693
39.

116
00:05:25,726 --> 00:05:28,896
Aww, that's making me horny.

117
00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:32,466
Yeah, and that's
not on my list.

118
00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,702
I came over to tell you
I can't stay the night tonight.

119
00:05:34,735 --> 00:05:36,637
I gotta go to Miami.

120
00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:39,006
My client's causing trouble
on the new Johnny Depp movie.

121
00:05:39,039 --> 00:05:41,509
My client's Johnny Depp.

122
00:05:41,542 --> 00:05:43,577
Is it another
"Pirates" movie?

123
00:05:43,611 --> 00:05:46,447
'Cause I'm only four hours
into the last one.

124
00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:48,782
[cell phone rings]

125
00:05:48,816 --> 00:05:49,983
Caroline Channing's office.

126
00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:52,853
This is her assistant Tiesha.
Please hold.

127
00:05:52,886 --> 00:05:56,424
I gave myself an assistant
'cause I deserve one.

128
00:05:56,457 --> 00:05:58,559
Oh, yeah, there it is.

129
00:05:58,592 --> 00:06:01,729
Oh, my God,
I'm getting triggered.

130
00:06:01,762 --> 00:06:03,731
[cell phone chimes]

131
00:06:03,764 --> 00:06:05,666
Oh, man.

132
00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:07,768
My dog sitter just quit.

133
00:06:07,801 --> 00:06:11,004
She married Eddie Murphy.

134
00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:12,740
Now I don't have anybody
to watch Bruno.

135
00:06:12,773 --> 00:06:14,475
Oh, I can watch Bruno.

136
00:06:14,508 --> 00:06:17,511
Would you want to
stay with him at my place?

137
00:06:17,545 --> 00:06:19,813
At your beautiful house
in the hills

138
00:06:19,847 --> 00:06:21,615
with an amazing view
of the Hollywood sign?

139
00:06:21,649 --> 00:06:23,884
Ugh, fine, but only 'cause
I really want to.

140
00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:25,519
[chuckles]

141
00:06:25,553 --> 00:06:27,988
Okay, so unfortch J Law
got swarmed by the paps

142
00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:29,623
so she has to reschedj.

143
00:06:29,657 --> 00:06:31,625
Oh, boy.

144
00:06:31,659 --> 00:06:35,529
I picked the wrong week
to quit smoking cigars.

145
00:06:41,869 --> 00:06:44,505
Randy, that view is so amazing.

146
00:06:44,538 --> 00:06:47,641
We're so close I can see
the "ho" of the Hollywood sign.

147
00:06:47,675 --> 00:06:52,480
And I bet it's saying, "I can
see the ho of Williamsburg."

148
00:06:52,513 --> 00:06:54,782
Wow, this place is gorgeous.

149
00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:57,084
The last guy Max dated had
a mattress on the floor

150
00:06:57,117 --> 00:07:00,688
and a lady named Sheila
living in the crawl space.

151
00:07:00,721 --> 00:07:03,991
Caroline, are you trying
to make me jealous?

152
00:07:04,024 --> 00:07:05,793
Oh, you have nothing
to worry about.

153
00:07:05,826 --> 00:07:08,862
There's no way
that guy's still alive.

154
00:07:08,896 --> 00:07:10,531
Look, the next 24 hours,

155
00:07:10,564 --> 00:07:12,065
just treat this place
like it's yours.

156
00:07:12,099 --> 00:07:14,935
Don't worry, I will take
really good care of Bruno.

157
00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:17,671
I'll let him sleep right
in the hills.

158
00:07:17,705 --> 00:07:19,640
I haven't been this jealous
of my dog

159
00:07:19,673 --> 00:07:23,811
since I saw him
licking his own balls every day.

160
00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:25,746
Randy, would you say
it's private up here?

161
00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:27,981
Like private enough to have
a meeting with a celebrity

162
00:07:28,015 --> 00:07:29,116
who I'm not at will to name,

163
00:07:29,149 --> 00:07:31,552
but it's Jennifer Lawrence.

164
00:07:31,585 --> 00:07:33,521
Yeah, it's really
quiet up here.

165
00:07:33,554 --> 00:07:34,888
Just one neighbor
up the hill.

166
00:07:34,922 --> 00:07:36,890
Old guy. Rocks the hell
out of a stained sweat suit.

167
00:07:36,924 --> 00:07:38,091
We get along great.

168
00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:39,960
We've never spoken.

169
00:07:39,993 --> 00:07:42,863
I can't get a signal.
What's your Wi-Fi password?

170
00:07:42,896 --> 00:07:44,898
1, 2, 5, lowercase B,

171
00:07:44,932 --> 00:07:47,134
uppercase D, dash, dash, 6, 3,

172
00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:49,870
lowercase F, uppercase F,
5, 2, 1.

173
00:07:52,606 --> 00:07:54,875
Or you can get
some reception outside.

174
00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:58,078
All right, I gotta go.

175
00:07:58,111 --> 00:07:59,747
Come here, big boy.

176
00:07:59,780 --> 00:08:01,649
Who's Daddy's big boy?
Yes.

177
00:08:01,682 --> 00:08:04,985
That call works
on me too, FYI.

178
00:08:05,018 --> 00:08:08,722
Come here, big boy.

179
00:08:08,756 --> 00:08:10,658
[giggles]

180
00:08:10,691 --> 00:08:12,059
Mmm.

181
00:08:12,092 --> 00:08:14,595
Caroline,
where's the best reception?

182
00:08:14,628 --> 00:08:18,666
Behind the hedge down the hill
near this big cactus and--ow!

183
00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:20,568
Ooh, getting a little heat
on this table.

184
00:08:20,601 --> 00:08:22,603
I'm gonna call the diner.

185
00:08:22,636 --> 00:08:24,938
[cell phone rings]

186
00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:27,107
[chuckles]

187
00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:29,843
Hey, Max, how's my girl?

188
00:08:29,877 --> 00:08:33,847
Are you rich, famous,
and driving a Prius yet?

189
00:08:33,881 --> 00:08:36,083
Earl, you would not believe
where we are.

190
00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:38,752
I am looking down on all of LA.

191
00:08:38,786 --> 00:08:42,022
Oh, I'm doing that from here.

192
00:08:42,055 --> 00:08:44,725
Ask Max if she
talked to Sophie.

193
00:08:44,758 --> 00:08:47,728
I didn't get an up the skirt
selfie this morning

194
00:08:47,761 --> 00:08:49,997
and I'm worried.

195
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:52,766
I got it by accident.

196
00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:53,901
[laughs]

197
00:08:53,934 --> 00:08:56,169
And I'm hoping
talking about it

198
00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:59,006
will somehow free me from it.

199
00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:01,208
Can you forward it to me?

200
00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:03,176
You know what?
Just take my phone.

201
00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:05,879
I'll buy a new one.

202
00:09:08,782 --> 00:09:09,750
[leaf blower blowing]

203
00:09:09,783 --> 00:09:10,884
Ow.

204
00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:13,921
Whoa!
Stop...

205
00:09:13,954 --> 00:09:16,990
blowing.
Stop blowing.

206
00:09:17,024 --> 00:09:18,826
Blowing...

207
00:09:18,859 --> 00:09:21,662
Thank you!

208
00:09:21,695 --> 00:09:23,230
So how would you rate
the LA blow job

209
00:09:23,263 --> 00:09:26,033
compared to the ones
in New York?

210
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:27,701
This one was less work.

211
00:09:34,274 --> 00:09:36,810
When Jennifer Lawrence
gets here to interview me,

212
00:09:36,844 --> 00:09:39,146
just know, I'm also kind of
interviewing her.

213
00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:41,048
I mean, I know
she has my looks,

214
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:43,984
but does she have my naivetГ©?

215
00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:47,821
Is that French
for "small boobs"?

216
00:09:47,855 --> 00:09:50,958
Max, I know I said this
at the airport Arby's,

217
00:09:50,991 --> 00:09:53,761
but I could totally
see you living here.

218
00:09:53,794 --> 00:09:55,228
Thanks, girl.

219
00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:58,832
I could totally see you
visiting us.

220
00:09:58,866 --> 00:10:02,069
And look at this TV
from the future.

221
00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:05,906
Where are the cords?

222
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:08,141
And watch this.
Television...

223
00:10:08,175 --> 00:10:10,711
give me Samuel L. Jackson.

224
00:10:10,744 --> 00:10:14,047
(Television)
Finding Samuel L. Jackson.

225
00:10:14,081 --> 00:10:16,784
Wow, he's in every movie.

226
00:10:16,817 --> 00:10:19,720
He's like
the black Kevin Bacon.

227
00:10:19,753 --> 00:10:22,956
Dude, can you
believe my life?

228
00:10:22,990 --> 00:10:24,725
And you saw
that pool out there.

229
00:10:24,758 --> 00:10:25,926
You don't even have
to blow it up.

230
00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:27,695
[laughs]

231
00:10:27,728 --> 00:10:29,930
Let's go look at it again.

232
00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:34,101
Excuse me, Antonio?
Could you water that cactus?

233
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:36,236
It's looking a little dry.

234
00:10:36,269 --> 00:10:38,171
That didn't sound rude
to the help, did it?

235
00:10:38,205 --> 00:10:39,773
I don't want to be that person.

236
00:10:39,807 --> 00:10:41,241
Meaning you.

237
00:10:41,274 --> 00:10:43,310
Okay, Jennifer Lawrence
will be here any minute,

238
00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:44,978
and, Max, I have to say,

239
00:10:45,012 --> 00:10:47,047
I'm having
the best hair day ever.

240
00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:48,281
[wind blowing]

241
00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:51,719
I was having
the best hair day ever.

242
00:10:51,752 --> 00:10:55,088
Dude, Jennifer Lawrence took
a helicopter here.

243
00:10:55,122 --> 00:10:56,924
That is so baller.

244
00:10:56,957 --> 00:11:00,027
No, it's probably
the paparazzi following her.

245
00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:03,030
Leave us be!
We're just trying to live!

246
00:11:03,063 --> 00:11:04,732
This is the police!

247
00:11:04,765 --> 00:11:07,300
There is a dangerous criminal
in the area.

248
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:10,303
We're looking
for Walter Gary Vance.

249
00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:12,072
Everyone, go inside.

250
00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:15,042
This entire area is on lockdown.

251
00:11:15,075 --> 00:11:18,879
No one will be allowed
to pass the roadblock.

252
00:11:18,912 --> 00:11:20,213
What're you doing?

253
00:11:20,247 --> 00:11:22,082
Uh, there's a serial killer
on the loose.

254
00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:23,851
I'm doing what all heroes do.

255
00:11:23,884 --> 00:11:26,019
I'm going on Twitter
to add to the chatter.

256
00:11:26,053 --> 00:11:28,889
Okay, I'm running to my cactus
to call J Law's people

257
00:11:28,922 --> 00:11:30,323
and make sure she doesn't
come out here.

258
00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:31,825
[gasps]
Stop!

259
00:11:31,859 --> 00:11:32,993
Don't go out there.

260
00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:34,294
According to Twitter,

261
00:11:34,327 --> 00:11:36,296
the murder is a cannibal,

262
00:11:36,329 --> 00:11:38,131
and also according
to Twitter,

263
00:11:38,165 --> 00:11:40,934
KhloГ© Kardashian is
feeling the burn.

264
00:11:40,968 --> 00:11:42,936
Oh, my God, a cannibal?

265
00:11:42,970 --> 00:11:44,204
We have to get inside.

266
00:11:44,237 --> 00:11:47,040
I have this terrible feeling
I'm delicious.

267
00:11:49,877 --> 00:11:51,812
So, here we are.

268
00:11:51,845 --> 00:11:53,046
Safe inside

269
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:55,382
in a house made of glass

270
00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:57,084
on stilts

271
00:11:57,117 --> 00:12:00,921
in a city long overdue
for an earthquake.

272
00:12:00,954 --> 00:12:02,155
[both scream]

273
00:12:02,189 --> 00:12:04,257
[mouthing]

274
00:12:04,291 --> 00:12:05,859
Ah.

275
00:12:05,893 --> 00:12:08,195
We thought you were
a crazy murderer.

276
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:10,063
I'm not crazy,
but I could just

277
00:12:10,097 --> 00:12:12,833
murder a cheese plate
right now.

278
00:12:12,866 --> 00:12:15,135
Oh, wow.

279
00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:19,172
The hills are so exclusive.

280
00:12:19,206 --> 00:12:21,241
I mean,
it's all blocked off.

281
00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:23,043
I haven't jumped
this many hurdles

282
00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:26,346
since the '84 Olympics.

283
00:12:26,379 --> 00:12:28,248
Sophie, what're you
doing here?

284
00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:30,183
Jennifer Lawrence's people
were trying to reach you,

285
00:12:30,217 --> 00:12:32,019
so they called the hotel,

286
00:12:32,052 --> 00:12:33,954
and to show you
some love and kindness,

287
00:12:33,987 --> 00:12:37,024
I came all the way here
to tell you.

288
00:12:37,057 --> 00:12:41,128
Yeah. Do you think
that will get me a baby?

289
00:12:41,161 --> 00:12:45,065
Not sure, but you can get a baby
for 80 bucks on the dark web.

290
00:12:47,034 --> 00:12:49,036
And it comes
with two outfits.

291
00:12:49,069 --> 00:12:51,271
What did
Jennifer's people say?

292
00:12:51,304 --> 00:12:54,241
I don't know.

293
00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:59,880
So, you just came up here
to tell me that they called,

294
00:12:59,913 --> 00:13:02,149
but you didn't,
like, listen to the words?

295
00:13:02,182 --> 00:13:05,118
Oh, it's never enough
for you, is it?

296
00:13:09,489 --> 00:13:12,325
[meditative chanting]
Ohm.

297
00:13:12,359 --> 00:13:14,895
Ohm.

298
00:13:14,928 --> 00:13:20,133
Ohm getting tired of meditating,

299
00:13:20,167 --> 00:13:24,004
but I think it's working.

300
00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:25,906
Ohm...

301
00:13:25,939 --> 00:13:27,941
Jennifer Lawrence is probably
freaking out

302
00:13:27,975 --> 00:13:29,309
that she can't get to me.

303
00:13:29,342 --> 00:13:32,245
The world doesn't revolve
around you, bitch.

304
00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:35,448
Ohm...ohm.

305
00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:37,184
I can't just
stand here anymore.

306
00:13:37,217 --> 00:13:38,952
I'm going outside
to get a signal.

307
00:13:38,986 --> 00:13:40,287
You know what else
you can get outside?

308
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,222
Ya face eaten.

309
00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:44,457
Well, I'm gonna go risk
the life I have

310
00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:46,226
to go get the life I want.

311
00:13:46,259 --> 00:13:50,097
Sounds like a trailer
for a Liam Neeson movie.

312
00:13:50,130 --> 00:13:52,465
(Television)
Finding Liam Neeson.

313
00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:54,467
Good luck.

314
00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:58,005
That guys been taken more times
than my virginities.

315
00:13:59,106 --> 00:14:01,108
All right, I got a signal

316
00:14:01,141 --> 00:14:03,076
and a warning growl
from a coyote,

317
00:14:03,110 --> 00:14:04,945
but I talked
to Jennifer Lawrence's people,

318
00:14:04,978 --> 00:14:07,047
and she and I are gonna
FaceTime in 20 minutes.

319
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:09,216
If you still have a face.

320
00:14:09,249 --> 00:14:10,918
Where's Bruno?

321
00:14:10,951 --> 00:14:12,352
Maybe he's back there
in the sauna

322
00:14:12,385 --> 00:14:13,954
like a little hotdog.

323
00:14:13,987 --> 00:14:15,155
[chuckles]

324
00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:17,424
Where's my big boy?

325
00:14:17,457 --> 00:14:19,526
Um, seriously,
where's my big boy?

326
00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:22,329
You didn't leave
the door open, did you?

327
00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:24,231
No.

328
00:14:24,264 --> 00:14:26,366
I'm sure he's in here somewhere.

329
00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:28,535
together:
Bruno? Bruno?

330
00:14:28,568 --> 00:14:30,170
Bruno?

331
00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:31,504
Bruno?

332
00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:34,374
(Television)
Finding "Bruno."

333
00:14:37,177 --> 00:14:39,312
Max, I'm really sorry.

334
00:14:39,346 --> 00:14:40,981
Maybe we could replace the dog

335
00:14:41,014 --> 00:14:42,415
with one that
looks exactly the same.

336
00:14:42,449 --> 00:14:45,318
Like men here do with wives.

337
00:14:45,352 --> 00:14:48,188
Or maybe we don't assume
he's dead after six seconds

338
00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:49,389
and we go out there
and find him.

339
00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:51,091
Okay, good luck.

340
00:14:51,124 --> 00:14:53,293
[scoffs]
You are coming with me.

341
00:14:53,326 --> 00:14:55,128
Randy loves Bruno,

342
00:14:55,162 --> 00:14:58,198
and I lo-uh-ike Randy.

343
00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:01,268
Don't think I didn't hear
what you almost said.

344
00:15:01,301 --> 00:15:04,237
- We need to find the dog.
- But it's getting dark

345
00:15:04,271 --> 00:15:06,173
and there's someone out there
who wants to kill us.

346
00:15:06,206 --> 00:15:08,976
Trust me, there's someone
in there who wants to kill you.

347
00:15:09,009 --> 00:15:10,978
Flashlights.
We need flashlights.

348
00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:14,281
You lo-uh-ike him.

349
00:15:14,314 --> 00:15:17,417
Now there are two people in here
who want to kill you.

350
00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:25,458
Come here, big boy.

351
00:15:25,492 --> 00:15:27,727
God, how could he have gotten
this far on such little legs?

352
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:31,431
I don't know, Danny DeVito
seems to get around a lot.

353
00:15:31,464 --> 00:15:34,367
Even when you tell Randy
this is 100% your fault,

354
00:15:34,401 --> 00:15:36,436
he is still gonna
break up with me.

355
00:15:36,469 --> 00:15:38,438
Max, you've been with him
four days.

356
00:15:38,471 --> 00:15:41,041
I know, it's my
longest relationship.

357
00:15:41,074 --> 00:15:43,643
I'm really sorry, Max.
We'll find him.

358
00:15:43,676 --> 00:15:45,445
[gasps]
Oh, my God!

359
00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:48,448
- What, you see Bruno?
- No, I see bars on my phone.

360
00:15:48,481 --> 00:15:49,582
We have to stay right here.

361
00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:51,051
It's almost time
for my FaceTime.

362
00:15:51,084 --> 00:15:52,619
Give me that stupid thing.

363
00:15:52,652 --> 00:15:54,321
I'll put it down my pants.

364
00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:57,457
And I'll go get it.

365
00:15:57,490 --> 00:16:00,327
- [gasps and strains]
- You gotta focus

366
00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:01,661
and help me find that dog.

367
00:16:01,694 --> 00:16:03,563
I don't want
to ruin things with Randy

368
00:16:03,596 --> 00:16:04,731
or his house.

369
00:16:04,764 --> 00:16:07,634
Max, this is
so far past boundaries.

370
00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:09,636
Oh, don't talk to me
about boundaries.

371
00:16:09,669 --> 00:16:11,638
Who let the dog out?
Who?

372
00:16:11,671 --> 00:16:14,474
Who-who-who-who?

373
00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:18,111
As I said to Kevin Burlington
my sophomore year of college,

374
00:16:18,145 --> 00:16:20,513
"Just take it."

375
00:16:20,547 --> 00:16:21,781
This is serious.

376
00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:24,351
Randy has given me so much.

377
00:16:24,384 --> 00:16:26,586
Sunglasses, gift baskets,

378
00:16:26,619 --> 00:16:28,621
an orgasm with eye contact.

379
00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:31,024
- Oh, my God.
- I know.

380
00:16:31,058 --> 00:16:34,027
Usually, I have
to push their face away.

381
00:16:34,061 --> 00:16:35,495
No, look.

382
00:16:35,528 --> 00:16:38,131
We're at the foot
of the Hollywood sign.

383
00:16:38,165 --> 00:16:39,466
Quick selfie?

384
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:41,801
I mean, we have to, right?

385
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:44,604
On the way back,
once we find the dog.

386
00:16:44,637 --> 00:16:46,073
Which we are definitely
going to do.

387
00:16:46,106 --> 00:16:47,474
[cell phone rings]

388
00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:50,343
[gasps]
Jennifer Lawrence is calling.

389
00:16:52,812 --> 00:16:55,115
Did you just hang up
on J Law?

390
00:16:55,148 --> 00:16:58,385
I'm pretty sure that's
against the J Law.

391
00:16:58,418 --> 00:17:01,688
You're out here
because you lost Randy's dog,

392
00:17:01,721 --> 00:17:03,356
and there's a strange man
standing over there,

393
00:17:03,390 --> 00:17:05,358
and all you can think about
is Jennifer Lawrence.

394
00:17:05,392 --> 00:17:08,361
Did you just say there's a
strange man standing over there?

395
00:17:08,395 --> 00:17:10,530
Oh, my God, I did.

396
00:17:10,563 --> 00:17:11,798
- Look...
- [gasps]

397
00:17:11,831 --> 00:17:13,533
See there, the old guy
in the stained sweat suit.

398
00:17:13,566 --> 00:17:15,768
Oh, he must be Randy's neighbor.

399
00:17:15,802 --> 00:17:18,405
What's he doing out here?

400
00:17:18,438 --> 00:17:21,608
[gasps]
Oh, you found Bruno!

401
00:17:21,641 --> 00:17:23,110
It's so funny, for a second

402
00:17:23,143 --> 00:17:24,411
I thought he was
the cannibal murderer.

403
00:17:24,444 --> 00:17:25,512
[laughs]

404
00:17:27,647 --> 00:17:29,682
(Caroline)
Oh, my God, he has a knife.

405
00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:31,851
Maybe he's just
opening packages.

406
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:33,686
Come here.
Come here, big boy.

407
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,688
- Uh...run, Max!
- Come here, big boy.

408
00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:38,391
- Come on.
- Nothing to eat here.

409
00:17:38,425 --> 00:17:39,826
I'm stringy and chewy.

410
00:17:39,859 --> 00:17:41,161
(Max)
Quick!

411
00:17:41,194 --> 00:17:42,529
Quick, up here!

412
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:44,164
Maybe the helicopters
will see us.

413
00:17:44,197 --> 00:17:45,665
Yeah, and if not,

414
00:17:45,698 --> 00:17:47,600
we can throw ourselves
off the O.

415
00:17:47,634 --> 00:17:49,869
I refuse to get eaten
by an old man...

416
00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:52,405
without a bank account.

417
00:17:52,439 --> 00:17:54,441
Can cannibals climb?

418
00:17:54,474 --> 00:17:57,877
Well, they're not called
"climbables," so that's good.

419
00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:59,546
Is he still there?

420
00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:00,813
Well, we'll know in a second

421
00:18:00,847 --> 00:18:02,482
'cause you're screaming
within earshot

422
00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:03,816
of a hungry people-eater.

423
00:18:03,850 --> 00:18:07,487
You are surrounded!
Put your hands up!

424
00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:09,789
[both yelp]

425
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:14,661
Max, the police are here.

426
00:18:14,694 --> 00:18:16,463
We're safe.
We're safe.

427
00:18:16,496 --> 00:18:17,797
Speak for yourself.

428
00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:21,534
I'm technically under
house arrest in Connecticut.

429
00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:28,875
I let him eat ice cream.

430
00:18:28,908 --> 00:18:30,477
He deserves it.

431
00:18:30,510 --> 00:18:33,180
Who had a rough day yesterday?

432
00:18:33,213 --> 00:18:35,782
I am really sorry, Randy.

433
00:18:35,815 --> 00:18:39,519
You must think I'm as
irresponsible as I am.

434
00:18:39,552 --> 00:18:41,221
This is where you cry

435
00:18:41,254 --> 00:18:44,157
and tell him it's all you
and I'm perfect.

436
00:18:44,191 --> 00:18:45,658
Sorry, I was just thinking,

437
00:18:45,692 --> 00:18:49,262
that dogs gums and teeth
look healthier than mine.

438
00:18:49,296 --> 00:18:50,830
- I still can't believe
my neighbor

439
00:18:50,863 --> 00:18:52,832
was Walter Gary Vance
the cannibal.

440
00:18:52,865 --> 00:18:56,836
And honestly, it was way worse
living next to Courtney Love.

441
00:18:56,869 --> 00:18:58,171
I mean, it's not that hard.

442
00:18:58,205 --> 00:18:59,772
Blue bins are for recycling,

443
00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:01,241
Tuesdays are street cleaning,

444
00:19:01,274 --> 00:19:04,244
Don't do heroin on my porch.

445
00:19:04,277 --> 00:19:07,514
Yeah, that's
a driveway sport.

446
00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:11,651
Look, Bruno's
gotten out before,

447
00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:14,221
but the fact that you
went out there to look for him

448
00:19:14,254 --> 00:19:15,522
and risked your lives.

449
00:19:15,555 --> 00:19:17,790
I mean, you were fearless.

450
00:19:17,824 --> 00:19:21,228
Pfft, whatever.
Maybe a little.

451
00:19:24,231 --> 00:19:26,899
Ugh, great.
Jennifer Lawrence just passed.

452
00:19:26,933 --> 00:19:29,969
She's dead?

453
00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:32,539
No, she passed on the movie.

454
00:19:32,572 --> 00:19:34,541
It's her loss.

455
00:19:34,574 --> 00:19:36,543
Well, it's your loss,
but I feel like I owe you

456
00:19:36,576 --> 00:19:38,678
for risking your life
to find my boyfriend's dog.

457
00:19:38,711 --> 00:19:42,215
Not that
you're my boyfriend,

458
00:19:42,249 --> 00:19:44,817
'cause gross.

459
00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:47,920
I'd be lucky
to be your boyfriend.

460
00:19:47,954 --> 00:19:50,757
If I was, which yuck,
I'm not.

461
00:19:51,991 --> 00:19:54,294
Hey, everybody.

462
00:19:54,327 --> 00:19:58,798
Look,
I'm spiritually evolved now.

463
00:19:58,831 --> 00:20:02,569
Yeah, you know, the meditating
was screwing up my knees,

464
00:20:02,602 --> 00:20:04,337
so I bought this getup
from an Indian woman

465
00:20:04,371 --> 00:20:05,738
at a bus stop.

466
00:20:05,772 --> 00:20:09,008
Yeah, it's a lot easier.

467
00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:11,344
Sophie, those flowers
are beautiful.

468
00:20:11,378 --> 00:20:13,313
Yeah...

469
00:20:13,346 --> 00:20:16,215
and they're for you.

470
00:20:18,751 --> 00:20:20,987
What're they gonna do to me?

471
00:20:22,789 --> 00:20:25,858
They're an act of love
and kindness.

472
00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:27,660
Sophie, that's literally

473
00:20:27,694 --> 00:20:29,696
the nicest thing
you've ever said to me.

474
00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:30,963
Oh, yeah.

475
00:20:30,997 --> 00:20:33,333
I don't know
if it's my aura's clean,

476
00:20:33,366 --> 00:20:36,002
or it's the 12.95 Bindi dot
I'm wearing,

477
00:20:36,035 --> 00:20:38,271
but I really do mean it.

478
00:20:38,305 --> 00:20:40,006
Oh, Sophie, no.
That's dog ice cream.

479
00:20:40,039 --> 00:20:42,241
Mind your own business, bitch!

480
00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:47,380
And we're back.

481
00:20:50,517 --> 00:20:51,851
[cash register bell dings]